Bozeman resident and Montana Native Tara Wolfe Schaan is 'Living Bright' in her belief that our 'past does not determine how bright we can shine.' Tara's past, as she explains it, is "an example of someone who ended up in a position she never thought she would be in" - a long-term, domestically abusive marriage.

 

As a survivor of a 22-year-long marriage marked by religious, emotional, and psychological abuse, Tara's story sheds light on the often-hidden, subtle, and difficult-to-measure dimensions of intimate partner abuse faced by those individuals who do not wear the visible scars of physical violence and harm. Her past is also pivotal in understanding why she founded and continues her work today as the president of Hope Harbor Transitional Living. By channeling the pain and hurt of her past into advocacy rooted in empathy and empowerment, Tara and her team at Hope Harbor are providing those individuals and families affected by domestic abuse situations in Gallatin Valley access to local resources and services to redefine their futures and live bright.

 

Tara experienced the difficulties and challenges in taking the most crucial first step of leaving a domestic abuse relationship just six years into her marriage. As the illusionary cloud of marital bliss settled, the actual indicators of what Tara now understands as emotional abuse and manipulation subtly rose. The intermittent control and power imbalances created an atmosphere of psychological and emotional abuse, a widespread and insidious manifestation of domestic abuse (manipulation/gaslighting) that makes survivor question themselves and their reality. As the power imbalances grow, it decreases self-esteem and feelings of self-worth.

 

The intermittent nature of domestic abuse is the tricky part. As Tara explains it, it is essential to understand abuse as cyclical in nature and, at its core, related to power and control." Meaning that after eruptions of "put-downs, criticism, silent treatments, and judgmental behavior" comes another honeymoon phase. Deeply devoted to her Christian faith, Tara said she "tolerated bad behavior," because she was "overly committed to "marriage," at the expense of her health and well-being – after all, nothing could be worse than divorce, right? This unhealthy belief system trapped her in a cycle of pain and suffering as she sought to "elevate" or please everyone else, particularly her spouse and family, for fear of judgment and hope for change.

 

However, after six years of living in what Tara described as a "torture chamber" of existence, she knew that the only way to save her life was to leave her abusive partner. Tara filed for divorce. While on the surface it may seem simple –file and walk away- the reality, however, as Tara explains, was fraught with a complex interplay of social stigma, financial barriers, and the intense fear of becoming separated from her daughter if she followed through with the divorce. Ultimately, the effects of prolonged psychological and emotional effects took their toll on Tara's physical well-being, which impeded her ability to make decisions for herself and her daughter, which meant that finding freedom from her abusive marriage would have to wait another seventeen years.  

 

That is not the end of her story, far from it. Throughout the next seventeen years, Tara had three more children and began a journey of learning how to heal, grow, and prioritize her well-being. Her past would not determine how bright she could shine moving forward.

 

Drawing from years of experience and challenges, Tara embarked on a personal mission to ensure that other survivors did not feel alone in their journey to leave and heal from domestic abuse. She pioneered the foundation of Hope Harbor Transitional Living in 2023 with the desire and goal of addressing what she had learned was an acute need for the financial, emotional, and life-skill resources and services to help survivors regain control of their lives.

 

Hope Harbor is dedicated to addressing these challenges head-on by offering its residents rental assistance with a plan to achieve financial independence within two years. Acknowledging that many residents lack essential life skills, Hope Harbor teaches and requires its residents to follow individualized growth plans that address finances, employment, parenting, and community resources, ensuring that residents have a roadmap to success.

 

Tara's belief in the potential of every individual drives the organization's approach, emphasizing empowerment and skill-building where individuals are provided a holistic system of support services that focus on healing, education, and community integration. We've all heard or asked the question when discussing domestic abuse: "Why doesn't she just leave?" What Tara's story attests to most is that there are many barriers that stand in the way of someone leaving and then healing from an abusive relationship. Without these vital resources and services, survivors might find themselves returning to a previous abusive relationship or ill-equipped to break the pattern moving forward.

 

Understanding that recovery from domestic abuse isn't linear and involves addressing emotional and psychological wounds, Hope Harbor also integrates counseling services for its residents. Trained professionals provide individual and group therapy sessions, helping survivors process their experiences and provide a safe and personal space to prioritize self-care and self-love and to feel valued, understood, and confident in their ability to create a brighter future.

 

Tara says Hope Harbor's impact on transforming the lives of its residents is "tremendously rewarding." For example, she remembers a woman beginning her program at Hope Harbor feeling intimidated by her lack of experience handling and managing personal finances and worried that she would be unable to learn the right skill sets to gain financial independence and provide for herself and her son after leaving Hope Harbor. However, by the end of her program, this former resident was equipped with newfound confidence and empowerment to thrive and provide for her family free from the threat of abuse.

 

Hope Harbor's impact reaches beyond the immediate residents, contributing to a broader understanding of domestic abuse in the community. By raising awareness and promoting education on the signs of domestic abuse, the organization helps reduce stigma and encourage more individuals to seek help. Under Tara's leadership and a collaborative board of directors, Hope Harbor achieved its non-profit status in 2024.

 

Looking ahead, Tara says that Hope Harbor is currently focusing on one-to-one fundraising for those with a heart to support those individuals and families recovering from domestic abuse in the Gallatin Valley. If you want to learn more about Hope Harbor or are wondering how to 'make a change' by supporting another survivor in finding freedom, please visit their website at https://www.hopeharbortransitionalliving.com.

 

As a survivor and advocate, Tara stands as a beacon of hope for those struggling with the scars of abuse. Her podcast 'Live Brighter with Tara' encourages women who have exited destructive relationships to live brighter, 1% at a time. She has also written a book called The Unravel Notebook, available on Amazon, which helps others process and unravel their lives to live intentionally and with freedom.